Reflecting

Maybe it is because of the new year, maybe it is my age, but it seems I am very aware of what I love, and enjoy and long to see, do & experience. Maybe it is because something has been missing altho there all the time? If you havent read my posts before I am a married, mother of 1 high energy 5 yr old. Lucky to be a stay at home mom. My husband travels alot. I have always wanted to be a "mom". I have cherished every single solitary minute of my life as a mom and mom to be. I adored being pregnant. I had a "feeling" my child would be special. With that I somehow knew I would be teaching my child to do things and to hit milestones long after his toddler peers were independent. For me- it was ok, better than ok! I loved being his teacher, and cheerleader!
Somewhere in the time that he was learning and growing and I was figuring out how to be a great mom, and an educated mom,an advocate, a fighter, a teacher, training, modifying, guessing, trying, trying again,pursuing, researching and realizing... I lost myself.
I have recently found a great community of friends, whether they are online friends that I have never met face to face or the wonderful parents I have met at my sons school--either way they are a saving grace.
I realize now that I have to take time for me, and to breathe... take a little time each day to to reflect on what I love(besides being a mom)
I need to seek JOY even if it is 1 little thing each day, like watching the winter birds in the feeders outside my patio window. To me, I realize that I need to do this and remind myself that I need to find that place of calm and beauty that I love in nature and wildlife-to help me when things are frustrating, isolating and heart aching.If I do that... I think my day(s) will be a little better!~and I will be a more patient mom and wife.